I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
