why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
