do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
