If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
