I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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