I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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