The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
