They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
