your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
