New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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