I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
