Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
