I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
