plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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