Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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