You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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