It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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