My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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