I'm really into asian looking animals
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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