I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
