Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no, he came in my armpit
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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