i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
