i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
