This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
