My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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