Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
