I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
