garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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