oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
