1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
