You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
