Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
