she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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