we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
