So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
