I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
