honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
