party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
