I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
