i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
