You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
time to smoke my breakfast
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
