My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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