I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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