Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
