last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
