Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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