How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
