shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
