you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
