We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
