Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
